The 14 Stages Of Being Late For School

No matter how early I get up, this frantic situation always seems to happen. I also have to feed and clothe a baby, and get myself ready for work, so I guess that’s probably why we’re all running out the door trying to be on time!

8am: They Have Decided They Would Rather Stay At Home And Watch Youtube

“No. Get up, please.”

8.10am: The Right Breakfast Choices Are Not Available

“There’s no bloody time to make the American pancakes you saw on Youtube, so you’ll have to have toast.” (Aka a cereal bar in bed.)

8.20am: They Want Their Hair The Exact Opposite Way To How You Just Did It

If in doubt, just add more gel.

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8.25am: They Don’t Like The Toothpaste Anymore

“Oh, this mint hurts your tongue, but you like to eat mint tic tacs, and you found the toothpaste acceptable yesterday?”

8.30am: There’s No Clean Uniform

“Ohhhhh shit, I forgot to put the washing on last night!”

Bum wipes and febreeze time.

8.40am: There Are Sock Bumps

They can’t be arsed to put their socks on like they’re capable of doing, but when you do it, the sock bumps are “HURTING MY TOEEEESSSSSS!!!!!”

8.42am: You Can’t Find The Car Keys

Calls Husband. “Where the f are my car keyssssss! Oh, found them. Bye. Sorry.”

8.44am: Younger Sibling Creates A Poonami Situation

6 minutes until school opens. Pooface. “Oh shit. We’re gonna be so damn late.”

8.49am: You Forget The School Bag

Says to self: “can they get away without it today????” No. F sake.

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8.50am: You Start To Drive Off And Realise You Left The Front Door Open

Yes. This happens.

8.52am: The Traffic Lights Take AGGGES!!!!!

Why on  days you’re late do the traffic lights decide to mess with you?

8.56am: No Spaces In The Car Park

“Fuck sake, I’ve left it too late to get a space and now I have to park 1 minute down the road, which will make us 1 more minute later. “

8.58am: Slipping Over And Soiling The Uniform

“I wasn’t dragging you, why are you walking at snail’s pace?”

9am: Gaggles Of Mums In The Way

*Mutters under breath* “Why must you chat and block the path. You’ve made me late now.” Door to classroom starts shutting. You lob your child at the door hoping there are no broken bones or marks for being late.

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